How to “do” Therapy": Getting the Most Out of Your Sessions
Starting therapy, or even returning after a break, often comes with a quiet question many people don’t ask out loud: Am I doing this right? The short answer is: there’s no perfect way to do therapy. But there are ways to be more intentional, engaged, and prepared so therapy can work with you, not just on you.
Therapy is a collaborative process. While your therapist brings training, perspective, and tools, meaningful change happens through the work you do both inside and outside the session.
The Therapist’s Role (and What It Isn’t)
A therapist wears many hats, but not all of them.
What your therapist does:
Listens deeply — to what you say, what you don’t say, and the patterns underneath
Validates your experience — your feelings make sense in context, even when the behavior feels stuck
Gently challenges — noticing blind spots, patterns, or contradictions that may keep you stuck
Offers perspective and tools — including education, reflection, and occasional advice when appropriate
Holds a safe, structured space — where you can explore honestly without judgment
What your therapist is not:
A fixer
A problem-solver who gives step-by-step instructions for life
A referee, judge, or decision-maker
Someone who can “heal” you for you
Therapy isn’t something that’s done to you—it’s something you actively participate in.
Your Role: Active, Honest, and Engaged
Healing happens through your relationship with yourself, your patterns, and your choices. Therapy supports that process, but it doesn’t replace it.
Here are ways to come to therapy prepared and engaged:
1. Come With Intention
You don’t need a perfectly organized agenda, but it helps to have a sense of:
What’s been sitting heavy lately
A pattern you’re noticing
A moment from the week that stirred something up
Some clients find it helpful to jot notes in their phone or a journal between sessions. Even a few bullet points can bring clarity.
2. Notice Life Between Sessions
Therapy doesn’t end when the session does.
Pay attention to:
Emotional reactions that feel familiar or intense
Moments where you used (or didn’t use) a tool discussed in therapy
Relationship dynamics that repeat themselves
These observations become rich material for your next session.
3. Practice the Tools
Insight alone doesn’t create change—practice does.
Whether it’s:
Setting boundaries
Pausing before reacting
Trying a new communication skill
Regulating your nervous system
Progress comes from experimenting in real life, then reflecting on what worked and what didn’t.
4. Be Honest (Even When It’s Uncomfortable)
Therapy works best when you bring the parts of yourself that feel:
Confused
Resistant
Embarrassed
Unsure
“Stuck”
You don’t have to protect your therapist from your truth. Discomfort often signals growth.
Therapy Is a Partnership
Your therapist provides guidance, reflection, and support, but you are the expert on your life. Healing is not about being “fixed”; it’s about developing awareness, choice, and compassion for yourself over time.
The most effective therapy happens when:
You show up curious, not perfect
You take responsibility for the work outside the session
You allow the process to be gradual and human
Therapy isn’t a quick solution, it’s a practice. And like any meaningful practice, the results come from what you’re willing to engage with, try, and revisit again and again.
If you’re wondering whether you’re “doing therapy right,” chances are you already are simply by showing up and being willing to do the work.